Confusion

Life can be so confusing at times. It seems that with all the new technology and ways of communication, with all the fancy devices and all the electronic hype, so much meaning is lost in things. Even in more personal ways of communication, misunderstanding always creeps in and seems to mess everything up. I'm glad though, that I am friends with people that try to resolve things instead of just presuming. I am so bad at saying things and sometimes I feel so stupid and embarrassed it drives me crazy. I stayed up hours last night lying in bed, staring at the ceiling thinking of how I did something wrong and I felt so stupid. So many things don't happen the way you want them to. If only we were more like Jesus and his perfection, then we could say what we wanted to without fear of misunderstanding or confusion. All things happen according to his will though and for this we must all be accountable. I feel like a dog on a leash, the leash representing my salvation, and Jesus my owner. We are walking along a cliff and unknowingly, I pull on the leash in one way, but Jesus quickly pulls on the leash and stops me because he knows what is best. Sometimes it hurts . . . so much, but we know it's for our good. I also feel like I was holding something beautiful with someone and accidentally dropped it in the mud and even though this other person wants to pick it back up, that dirt will always be there and the thought crushes me. More and more I wish I knew exactly what God's will for my life was, what the future holds, cause' whenever I presume something, it seems to shockingly be torn from my view. This has happened all throughout my lifetime and I'm glad because when I go one way and I find out it's the wrong way, it makes me run back and cling to Jesus all the more. I so wish others I knew could know Jesus the way I do. I been through so much with Him and I know the best is yet to come, I know He understands my heart even when others don't. I am so glad I can expect much from God because He is always up to the task. God knows, I need so much grace and in the midst of all the confusion of today, He understands.
He understands.