Lexophiles!!!

> Subject: FOR ALL YOU LEXOPHILES ( LOVERS OF WORDS )
>
> 1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
>
> 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
>
> 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
>
> 4. A backward poet writes inverse.
>
> 5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count
> that votes.
>
> 6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
>
> 7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
>
> 8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
>
> 9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
>
> 10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat
> minor.
>
> 11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
>
> 12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
>
> 13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
> Blownapart.
>
> 14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
> 15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
>
> 16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
>
> 17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
>
> 18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
>
> 19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
>
> 20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
>
> 21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
>
> 22. The dwarf fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
at large.
>
> 23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

> 24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
>
> 25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
>
> 26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd
> dye.
>
> 27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
>
> 28. Santa's helpers are subordinate Clauses.
>
> 29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
>
> 30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

MORE PUNS

Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is b-negative.

Shotgun wedding: wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality
comes from morons?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Alarms: What an octopus is.

Crick:: The sound that a Japanese camera makes.

Dockyard: A physician's garden.

Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston .

Pasteurize: Too far to see.

Toboggan: Why we go to an auction.